Cwynire

Just How Many Children Can You Cope With?

2011-03-17T15:03:00.006+08:00

When discussing about managing children, the young mothers are often compared to their mothers or grandmothers, and how they were able to cope with even more children ... like 8 or even 12, yet without maids. I'm referring to the situation in Malaysia where most families those days were big families. Of course you shouldn't look at it from just one angle ... read as I am about to 'defend' us new mothers ...

Time Has Changed ...

I have ultimate respect to our mothers and their mothers for having successfully managed their children in those difficult times. I'd say you and I turned out alright didn't we? Nevertheless, I think that we new mothers are also going through challenging times. These are not the times when we can let our children roam around the neighborhood and come home before sundown. These are not the times when we can keep them free from outrages negative input, now that we have the internet. Children don't even have to search for these junks on the web. The junks are fed to them through banner advertising in websites we would deem okay for them e.g. blogs, Facebook, even sent to their e-mails (an issue for older kids). I dare not let my children Google for their homework without me being around as a simple innocent image-search can lead to loathing displays of stuffs that can pollute children's minds!

My mother used to tell me that in her childhood, she and her siblings would play the whole day and come home when it was time to eat, then later flee again and come home before Maghrib to clean themselves, have dinner, etc. When they hurt themselves due to falls, etc, they'd come home, get some good spanking first, get treated next, then eat and play again outside. Well, that's what she said So 8, 10, or 14 children, they were mostly playing outside. But how about today's children? Unless they are sent to various classes and such, they'd be mostly stuck at home. Children are creative and playful, and when indoors, their creative ideas and mischief are now most of the time visible to the parents ... well at least when the parents are at home themselves.

Of course the bigger issue would be the children's safety. In our time, with even more drug addicts and psychos out there, how can any mom be at peace letting kids off by themselves? With better neighborhood spirit & watch that our mothers/grandmothers had those days, the comfort level with regards to the children's safety cannot be compared to that of these times.

What Did We Get Ourselves Into?

Often I feel as though the challenges of these days are unnecessary burden that we ourselves create and get ourselves into due to modernization. The stolen freedom/safety due to lack of neighborhood spirit, the lack of time/focus for the children due to the need to survive these days' financial crisis (or is it our desire to achieve with regards to career). If our ancestors had to deal with days of war, we have ourselves to deal with 'internal wars' of a complex life which should have been simple. Hence, why maybe most of us can only cope with at most 6 children these days, or possibly less.

Let's pay our respect to our mothers and their mothers for their motherhood journey, but don't forget to give ourselves too some credit for going through motherhood in these challenging times. I guess I can only cope with 5.

Don't Scare the Kids!

2011-03-03T15:06:00.003+08:00

I am staying up tonight, beyond midnight. My husband is not yet home from an Alumni late-night discussion while my kids are all asleep. I find myself enjoying this moment of self-indulgence, one I rarely get as a WAHM. I remember those days when I was little, being awake late at night would give me the chills - thanks to so many ghost stories fed to me by my uncles, cousins, friends. One of the classic stories would be from my uncle about The 'Cowboy Ghost' (Hantu Koboi) outside grandma's window. I can't believe I believed that story hehe ... but I did and it was just NOT as funny that time.

I don't know if telling ghost stories and scaring little children is fun to some people, but I do not tell them to my kids ... even discourage them from watching scary movies. I don't even frighten them with anything just to get them to listen to me. I feel that it is just not helpful in building their courage (even gets us parents into problems when it comes to nightmares and their fear of the dark). I don't know if other people believe otherwise. I think that creepy stories would only worry them, hold them back from walking around their own house freely, make them hate the dark and even hold their pee - you wouldn't want that! :S

"Shh ... jangan nangis, nanti momok datang!" ...

I remember one of the movies that haunted me & gave me serial nightmares was 'The Exorcist' (1973). I'd cover my eyes with my hands but peek in between my fingers ... it's like ... I'd just be too curious to see what's going on and then regret watching :P. Even now that I am all grown up, I still avoid watching scary movies. On the contrary, I'm fine with series because you know the heroes will always survive to be seen in the next episodes :P. In fact I enjoy watching Supernatural - Dean and Sam Winchester would just die and live again no matter what - haha, good entertainment.

So if you have ghost stories or movies to share, count me out yea ;) And do your/others' kids & yourselves a favor - don't tell them scary stories even for fun sake. Save the kids unnecessary discomfort and help them build their confidence & courage instead. Just my two cents ;)

A Hereiophobia and a Goofball Daredevil Not!

2011-01-07T00:47:00.002+08:00

As a web developer for over 10 years now, it has been a psychedelic journey for me. When I was a newbie programmer, I was impatient and a short-cut lover. I have always been a person who'd jump to G and L, just to quickly reach the letter Z. If I were given a bag of bicycle parts + a manual, I'd toss the manual away & start to put things together right away. My impatience often get me into even more trouble and at times delay my supposed short journey. But you know what ... I never bothered to really change :) ... instead, I try to improve my method of jumping into things by going from A to D to G, something like that. I tried to be more patient, but never patient enough to follow standard procedure :P

In my school days, my friends would use multi-colored pens to draw tree-diagrams of what they've learnt in class, while I would do my pathetic only-in-pencil notes. May have looked boring to others, but hey, the notes were for myself! Isn't it a fact that we know ourselves far better than anyone else? I believe that everyone have their own way of doing things and it is okay to not do things the way others would, especially when you're just not comfortable with it. The more you try to imitate others in your discomfort, the further you'll get from being satisfied with yourself.

THE 'SHORTCUT' TURNED 'LONGCUT'

I was a Quantity Surveyor who hated Quantity Surveying. I quit the job whilst in probation and started getting serious into web programming after having played around with HTML for several years. I wanted to be a professional programmer and desperately needed a shortcut to that. I couldn't afford to waste more years for a Degree in this, so I decided to learn it all up by myself. So there I went again, trying to take the shortcut that in the end got me into a 'mess'. I could've easily learnt the steps from a reputable Guru and do things in order. Instead, I dived into the programming world without proper gears, re-surfaced, re-submerged ... occasionally chuckling. While the feeling was actually FANTASTIC(!), but I guess going by the book does mean that you'll be following a more secured path and save yourself unnecessary risks.

Back to stubborn-me ... I had myself to deal with the mess of not having followed standard procedure in not just becoming a programmer, but in most part of my life. I'm always itching to NOT 'follow the system' ... somehow :P I'd give excuses to being stubborn by asking myself, "Don't scars and bruises better remind us of our lessons learnt? Won't we be more successful when we choose NOT to stay in our safe zone and be accident-free?" And so I ended up with the bruises and scars 'I so dearly asked for' and learnt the greatest lesson about taking shortcuts - finding the balance.

THE BALANCE

I have learnt to respect those who have the patience to follow the system and appreciate those who create their own path ... the world needs both types of people for a balanced world. I have also learnt that as an individual, I too need a balance to be more successful in my life. We should not be afraid to try something beyond conventional, but at the same time, take some time to research and learn what may save us unnecessary trips and falls of others.

So what's Hereiophobia again?
Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia: Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.
Even more phobias here: http://meowycat313.webs.com/phobias.htm

Masalah Keyakinan Diri dan Penjajahan Mentaliti

2010-12-21T08:44:00.002+08:00

Saya tidak mahu menulis mengenai kesemua isu lama orang kita seperti hasad dengki, malas, suka jalan pintas untuk mencapai sesuatu, yang kerap dikaitkan dengan orang Melayu, tetapi ingin menyentuh mengenai masalah yang berkaitrapat dengan keusahawan orang kita, iaitu kurang keyakinan diri dan bagaimana saya melihat ia banyak berkaitan dengan kerosakan yang telah dilakukan oleh penjajahan British dan gerakan Illuminati di dalam aspek pemikiran. Ya, kita rasa Jepun dan Komunis cukup kejam, tetapi bukankah British yang telah melakukan kerosakan terhebat?

MENTALITI YANG DIJAJAH

Saya tertarik untuk berkongsi dengan anda artikel blog mengenai Alter Terahsia Bangsa Melayu yang banyak membicarakan teori2 asal-usul bangsa Melayu. Artikel ini agak panjang & komplikated, dan saya tidak galakkan anda ambil bulat2 – ia sekadar hipotesis2. Tetapi artikel ini banyak memberi semangat kepada saya dan memberi suluhan yang sewajarnya untuk saya lebih fahami krisis identiti orang Melayu dan (kemungkinan) punca2 mengapa Melayu, memiliki sifat2 negatif tertentu, sebagaimana yang pernah dicoretkan oleh Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad dan Pendeta Zaaba. Selesai membaca artikel tersebut, saya tambah yakin bahawa bangsa Melayu adalah bangsa yang hebat dan telah diletakkan di dalam acuan tertentu oleh Inggeris agar tidak sekali-kali menjumpai kekuatan sendiri. Pastinya kekuatan utama kita adalah pada agama kita.

KONSPIRASI

Sejak menyelongkar pelbagai bahan berkaitan hal2 Iluminati, saya semakin nampak perkaitan antara pelbagai isu, pelbagai kejadian, dan semakin percaya bahawa buku Sejarah dan dokumentari Sejarah yang kita baca dan lihat tidak wajar dipercayai begitu sahaja. Begitu banyak konspirasi di dalam kehidupan kita semua sejak zaman dahulu lagi sehingga kita telah membesar di dalam dunia yang dikuasai oleh ’puak yang lebih maju’ ini ... dikuasai dari hampir segenap aspek. Paling parah ialah apabila yang dikuasai itu ialah minda kita. Peristiwa serangan 11/9, JFK, Holocaust contohnya bukan sahaja diragui orang kita, malah puak mereka sendiri. Cari sahaja di internet, anda akan jumpa begitu banyak keluhan orang mereka sendiri yang kecewa dengan penemuan demi penemuan yang begitu masuk logik akal. Mereka rasa ditipu oleh orang sendiri.

Kalau nak disebut satu per satu kemungkinan konspirasi dari yang dahulu kepada yang semasa, rasanya berjela artikel ini & saya barangkali bukan penulis yang sesuai untuk membincangkan setiap satu ini. Saya sendiri takut nak mengupas isu2 ni secara mendalam – boleh jadi bahaya :) Cuma yang ingin saya ketengahkan di sini ialah kesan langsung dari penjajahan Inggeris yang saya percaya didalangi gerakan di atas, telah jauh menyimpangkan kita daripada potensi sebenar kita.

KURANG PERCAYA PADA SEJARAH BERTULIS

Kita telah dilatih untuk melihat Inggeris sebagai penyelamat. Kita telah diajar dari sekolah lagi bahawa British telah membawa masuk teknologi dan membantu kita merdeka. Tapi apa yang tidak ditulis dalam buku-buku teks kita ialah bagaimana mereka telah membawa ideologi yang telah merobek-robek jatidiri dan kekuatan orang kita secara paling halus. Kita korbankan cara kita, identiti kita sedikit demi sedikit. Paling sedih apabila kekuatan utama kita, yakni agama kita diletak tepi2 lantas menjadi lebih liberal. Kita telah berikan apa yang sebenar2nya mereka mahu.

MASALAH KEYAKINAN DIRI

Saya melihat masalah keyakinan pada bangsa sendiri sebagai berpunca daripada ketidakyakinan pada diri sendiri. Kita tidak percaya kita boleh lakukannya, jadi kita rasa orang lain yang ’sama seperti kita’ tidak mungkin boleh melakukannya. Benarkah kita lebih skeptikal terhadap produk baru keluaran sendiri berbanding keluaran baru ’puak yang lebih maju’ ini? Adakah kita memberi peluang kepada usahawan tempatan dan membuat penialaian dahulu, atau pantas saja memilih produk luar? Adakah minda kita masih dijajah?

Usahawan pula perlu tanya pada diri sendiri jika kita telah berusaha cukup kuat untuk boleh bersaing dengan produk luar, atau adakah kita asyik ingin menggunakan sentimen ’produk orang kita’ untuk meraih sokongan. Jika minda kita bebas jajahan, maka kita akan yakin yang kita ’mampu buat’ dan tidak memerlukan sentimen2 sebegini. Kita saling ingat-mengingati, ya.

Apabila usahawan kita dikatakan kurang yakin dengan kemampuan sendiri dan bangsa sendiri, saya percaya ia berpunca daripada virus yang telah ditanam mereka pada orang kita sejak sekian lama. Ia penyakit minda yang kita perlu rawat dan buang daripada segenap lapisan orang kita, agar mentaliti kita bebas jajahan ... agar kita mampu keluarkan potensi sebenar kita, insya-Allah.

Social Media Frenzy: We Are What We Post

2010-09-02T01:43:00.009+08:00

I sign in to Facebook everyday and view all kinds of morning statusses ... from 1-line greetings, to a paragraph of whines, to fancy emoticons, to words of wisdoms, to calls for business deals, to CAPITALIZED shouts of anger and frustration. The Internet has evolved into a venue for self-expression where 'no one is a nobody'. This loud frankness is prominent among especially the new generation ... youngsters who mostly grow together with the new media itself. "How could you not have a Facebook? A Twitter? Everyone's got one!"

source image: India Stand

Despite resisting to become a slave to trends, I find myself sinking into the whole social media frenzy, mostly out of curiosity. I just realized that what people share very much describes the people themselves - the bold, the shy, the humorous, the pretentious, the over-transparent, the optimistic, the pessimistic, the nonsensical, the stupid, the opportunist, the arrogant, the thoughtful, the ignorant. We're opening a huge opportunity for others to judge us and we must ask ourselves if we even care about this or not. Even the seemingly insignificant posts can be crawled by the search engine and stored well in Google's memory for all to read about us. Try searching for your name in Google ... you'll discover so much about you is available on the internet, from crucial data to your dear-diary posts!

NOT A HYPOCRITE ... JUST PARANOID!

I sometimes find myself deleting my unpublished statuses a little bit too often. There are times when I just want to type "HUWAAAA!" ... but end up deleting it - when you think too much before posting, or don't think at all ... then it's best to not post at all. I am glad that at least I can still write a thing or two on my blog, but still never managed to be too loud & all-exposed. Call me a hypocrite all you want but I think that it is not too bad to be a bit reserved and not strip ourselves entirely on the web. I am a little paranoid about ignoring consequences as I believe that our virtual presence can impact our physical presence. The new media can create new relationships, strengthen existing bonds, build reputations, discover hidden talents, inspire hearts, empower minds ... yet at the same time can damage credibility, destroy characters, pollute minds, and waste gifts. I'm not suggesting we put on masks, just don't strip!

DO SOME JUSTICE

Frustrated with my failure to use these platforms to my 'absolute freedom', I limit social network sites for business networking, technology research, a little catching up with tight family & friends & some fun playing online games. I treasure Internet more as a knowledge bank rather than a venue for self-expression. After all, the Internet has been my 'guru' in PHP programming from the very beginning. If the newspaper is my mom's 'breakfast', then Google Search is my 'morning meal'! I began to realize that I should do some justice by giving back - I should contribute to the knowledge bank myself. I've written a few entrepreneurial articles in the past but now I want to get serious into writing ... taking advantage of the 'no one is a nobody' era. I think that the Internet would be even more fantastic when we contribute to the knowledge bank. I think that the minimal filter the internet offers is a shot to be taken for positive causes instead of negative ones. It is not the Internet that feeds us content but us feeding one another with content through the Internet. If it's garbage in, then it's garbage out!

BEING CALLED A LEECH!

I am not a fan of copying others' works as I value originality very much, but I recently got criticized on Reddit for my one-time repost - A Message by George Carlin copied from my inbox onto my blog. I was called a "zero-value-adding leech"! How disturbing :S My intentions were decent ... the article inspired me and so I decided to share that inspiration but ended up with a spit on my face ... OMG! No more reposting for me (!) except for retweeting on Twitter & reblogging on Tumblr where reposting is a feature. Even so, I'll try to minimize it. Imagine Twitter cluttered with mostly retweets ... the same content goes round & round and you & I would be lost in a pool of cliché!

WE ARE WHAT WE POST

Funny how social media has changed the way we communicate with one another. It has given us more space & authority for freedom of speech. It is thus up to us how we wish to use this space & authority. We can continue to believe that useful content is only for the certified intellects, and do nothing on the internet but shout and yell our hearts out day & night on Facebook, on Twitter, broadcasting our cries and anger ... if that would ever do anyone any good, other than our temporary personal satisfaction ... or ... post decent (if not useful) content that not only better represents our state of mind, but help enrich our lives and others'. I'll have to remind myself this often :)

CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT SOCIAL NETWORK

I discovered the following video and find it amusing how it has made social network frenzy appear silly ... maybe because it is silly! Watch this video ... it's about most of us :)

My 30th Birthday was a Blast!

2010-04-03T10:17:00.005+08:00

Technorati: WFKYKMK4AUA9

My birthday came a few days ago. I have officially left my 20s. A few days before my birthday, I felt as if turning 30 was ‘becoming old’, but when the day came … I felt ‘revived’!

On my 30th birthday, I took the early morning to reminisce the past, particularly my 20s. It has been quite a journey, I must say. I am amazed at how so many events & changes occurred just in my 20s. I really grew. The 20s began with my marriage, which was the biggest milestone ever in my life! A slight twist here & it would have taken me to a whole new route. This marked the beginning of the Carwin family – 5 lovely children & one high-spirited company grew together in the path of rainbows which colored my journey to its 30s.

I quit my job as a Project Executive (QS in probation) at the age of 23. I didn’t bother to look for any other job opportunities as I really wanted to DO WHAT I WANT TO DO. It was insane bowing to the demands of my career, working all the way to the weekends … then trying so hard to find time for my hubby & baby girl, and not forgetting my hobby then, building websites. I knew the moment I made the decision to quit, my family income would be affected, but I just couldn’t allow myself to be a mom who gets 2nd hand news from the nursery most of the time on my baby girl’s achievement, get into intense moments in my relationship & NOT even get to do what I enjoy as a living. I told myself, I just can’t wake up in the morning everyday with a frown face … ‘This has got to stop!’ … and it did. What I did not expect then, was that my hubby would follow-suit – yeah, he quit his job too! It was then that our roller-coaster just got wilder by the day … up & down, and round & round we went!

We had this big dream of growing a family business even whilst still in our teens. It must have sounded so surreal to others if they had heard us then, but I think that with what that has materialized, I would say that those ideas back then were actually blueprints … like a picture of dots - slowly the lines form, showing the bigger picture, bit by bit. Allah is the best of all planners (!) and it is simply amazing how those dots get connected in surprising ways! So many more dots waiting to connect – how exciting!

I am looking forward to the future. I wish my 30s would be another colorful decade, with even more bright colors this time, insyaAllah. Having sowed the seeds the past decade (both family & business), my mission this decade is to ‘grow’; Family: Time to have more focus in nurturing my precious jewels; Company: Time for technology transfer to my apprentice. Aging is so not an issue for me, but ‘living’ is. We’ll never age this way … not even ‘die’ if we successfully sow the seeds for the future. May I succeed in this mission.

To family & friends, thank you for all the birthday wishes … I truly had a ‘Happy’ 30th Birthday!

All Smiles This Hari Raya

2009-09-16T12:07:00.013+08:00

The holy Ramadhan will soon depart, making way for Syawal in just a few more days. We'll be missing Ramadhan but I'm surprised that I'm kind of excited with the upcoming of Hari Raya than I thought I'd be. I'm not sure if it's for the common reasons, but I am looking forward to Hari Raya ... and beyond, actually. This Ramadhan, my family and business struggled a little in this slow economy and with unexpected events occurring, but I feel as though we've all gotten a lot richer - richer by experience and lessons learnt. This year, although we'll be celebrating Hari Raya humbly, it feels like my family and I will be dressed in diamond-bedazzled Raya clothes, as our spirit soar up high, so high ... I'll be all smiles this Raya like a little girl!

In grief of losing a family member, of plans that fail, of expectations that end up disappointing, I feel that the best thing left to do is to move forward a lot bolder. It's a responsibility to make our lives better for our loved ones and our society, for those who were/are unable to think or do what we can do. It's nothing wrong thinking of ourselves as heroes, needed to defend & protect the needies. We don't need fancy (ridiculous, actually) costumes, weapons and gadgets, but our inner strength to make a difference and be a hero to especially the people around us. We should seek riches and gain wealth not for ourselves but for others, to be able to make things happen, instead of wishing alone. Oh I so want to be super wealthy - I'm not ashamed to say it! For I want to make things happen ... I want to be able to fix things when others can only complain ... I want to provide jobs when others are struggling in their job hunt ... I want to provide services & goods when others can only wish that someday someone would do it ...

There's so much to learn in everything we do. While I often learn new things in my skill-area, php programming, I must say that learning about business from my sifu/hubby gets me more excited. I recently came up with a promotion plan for my business, something that normally would come from my husband ... and I must say that I'm pretty proud of myself! :) I mean, to creatively propose a business plan ... is not my niche. It's rewarding just to see how the plan gets implemented and emerge successful enough. Now I'm becoming more confident with my own business ideas & getting all sorts of crazy ones too time to time. It's like a massive highway in my head & sometimes, it's even difficult to sleep!

I'm just so glad that I know what I want to do in my life and that I'm heading towards the right direction. I'm glad that I can always share these things with my hubby/boss (he's got a worse superhighway traffic in his head than I do!) It's discussions day & night for us ... moments that are so exciting, it'd make us jump sometimes. But it's good I think ... to be all anxious, looking forward to the future ... to making miracles come true. It is a terrible waste though to be thinking that one hasn't got much to offer to the world and spend hours and days doing nothing fruitful. So much time lost ... . I'd love to share the following lyrics of a song, a nasyid (it's in Malay) & may it serve as a good reminder to all heroes out there.

Merancang Kerja

Album : Masih Ada Waktu
Munsyid : Anugerah
http://liriknasyid.com

Tenaga dan kemampuan diperhitungkan
berjuanglah dalam satu barisan
Umpama batu tersusun menjulang ke awan
Itulah asas dalam merancang

Rancang dengan apa yang ada di tangan
Bukan yang kita angan-angankan
Membina cita dan harapan
Bukan mimpi dan igauan

Perancangan perlu diperhati
Agar tertib rapi dan teliti
Matlamat dan caranya selari
Masa pun harus diambil kira

Gunung mana yang mahu didaki
Lurah mana yang mahu disusuri
Semuanya telahpun terbukti
Pasti rancangan akan berjaya

Lagu: Mujahid Abd Wahab
Lirik: Pahrol Mohd Juoi
Hakcipta: OVA Productions 1995.

Still looking for the original version ... :) Anyway, to all family & friends ...

Selamat Hari Raya! Happy Eid ul-Fitr!
May the Mercy & Blessing's of the Almighty God be with you.

Beginilah Dunia, Beginilah Kehidupan, Beginilah Janji Allah

2009-08-02T02:28:00.009+08:00

31 Julai 2009 - Tokwanku telah menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir. Al-Fatihah ...

Tokwan sering sakit & batuk-batuk sebelum ini dan disahkan menderita kanser paru-paru - sesuatu yang baru juga diketahui ahli keluarga. Perubahan Tokwan terlalu cepat. Ketika Tokwan nazak, aku pula sedang menyambut kelahiran anak yang kelima.

Kali terakhir melihat Tokwan sedikit segar sebelum itu adalah ketika aku masih mengandung. Aku bersalaman dengan Tokwan di pintu rumah ketika Tokwan singgah mengambil barang. Sebelum itu Tokwan kerap juga berulang-alik dari kampung di Kedah ke rumah kami di KL. Tak banyak yang biasa kami borakkan ... biasanya memang kering idea nak berborak dengan Tokwan, tapi aku gagahkan juga timbulkan topik mengenai anak2, diselitkan dengan soalan2 lazim Tokwan. Tokwan lebih banyak berbicara isu2 semasa dengan suamiku ... sementara aku lebih kepada menyediakan makan minum - Teh ... buah ... roti bakar kaya ...

Sepanjang Tokwan nazak di rumah makcik, aku sedang berpantang. Sejurus habis berpantang, aku ambil kesempatan melawat Tokwan ... agak terkejut juga melihat perubaan drastik fizikal Tokwan. Tokwan ketika itu sangat kurus dan cengkung. Ya Allah ... terasa sebak. Sepanjang masa, aku lebih banyak berborak dengan saudara-mara - tak tahu apa yang patut diborakkan dengan Tokwan dan Tokwan pun kelihatan lesu, jadi aku memilih untuk tidak mengganggu. Sebelum pulang, aku ada memperkenalkan cicit barunya ... namun Tokwan tidak membalas. Aku agak, Tokwan tak dengar. Tak mengapa ... aku salam dan cium tangan Tokwan dan kemudiannya pulang.

Malam terakhir Tokwan, aku telah dinasihatkan tinggal di rumah menjaga anak2 (termasuk anak2 susuanku) dan tidak ke rumah makcik di mana hampir semua ahli keluarga ada di sana membaca Yasin. Ibu kerap telefon memberitahu keadaan terkini Tokwan. Setiap kali telefon berdering, aku dilanda gementar. Dan sekitar pukul 10.15 malam, ibuku menyampaikan berita pemergian Tokwan. Innalillahiwainnailaihiroji'un ...

Untuk seketika ... aku agak terkedu. Aku tidak mmeberitahu anak2ku yang masih kecil, walaupun mereka sudah boleh faham ... "esok pagi sajalah ...". Banyak yang bermain di fikiran ketika itu ... terasa sebak & syukur yang bercampur-baur. Aku pasti kanser itu satu penderitaan dan pemergian Tokwan bermakna jasadnya tidak lagi perlu menanggung derita itu. Tetapi terbayang juga ... pemergian ini bukan seperti Tokwan ingin pulang ke kampung ... ini pemergian selamanya. Inilah dia kematian - aku percaya bagi orang seperti Tokwan, rohnya mungkin gembira dengan kedatangannya (kematian). Namun begitu, bagaimana insafnya kita pada erti kematian itu, walau kita tahu kematian itu suatu yang pasti bagi semua umat manusia ... apabila ia berlaku pada ahli keluarga terdekat, orang yang kita kenal dan sayangi ... terpukul juga ... terfikir juga bagaimana keadaannya tidak lagi dapat mendengar suara Tokwan, melihat Tokwan ... perasaan yang sama ketika pemergian Arwah Tuk dulu, walaupun kali ini aku lebih dewasa dan tidak menangis.

Ada juga terkenangkan memori bersama Tokwan. Walaupun Tokwan tinggal di kampung di Kedah, hubungan kami okay ... taklah begitu renggang walau tak berapa rapat. Tokwan dulu suka menonton kartun dengan kami. Masih teringat ketika di dalam kereta, Tokwan mengajar kami orang KL ni bercakap lohgat Kedah, "jalan teghuih", kata Tokwan ... "teghuih" ... dan Tokwan akan ketawa terkikih2 apabila giliran kami pula menyebutnya. Tokwan dulu kerap ketawa ...

Kali terakhir mendengar Tokwan ketawa ceria begitu ialah sejurus sebelum Tokwan nazak. Ketika itu keadaan terdesak - suamiku jauh dan ibu pula sakit kaki ... tiada sesiapa yang dapat menjemput anak2ku dari sekolah. Aku pula tak mendapat 'lesen' daripada suamiku utk memandu. Mujur Tokwan ada. Akhirnya Tokwan memandu (kereta kakakku - buat pertama kalinya) dengan aku di tempat duduk sebelahnya sebagai navigator. Aku sendiri jarang mengikut menjemput budak2 dr sekolah, akibatnya ... aku 'fail' sebagai navigator, hingga menyebabkan Tokwan sekali-sekala ketawa dan beberapa kali juga nyaris melanggar kenderaan lain. Di hujung pemanduan apabila ingin meletakkan kenderaan, kereta kakakku telah 'bersuara', "0.5 meter" ... "stop! stop!" ... aku dan Tokwan ketawa sakan! Betapa berterima kasihnya aku kepada Tokwan kerana sudi menjemput cicit2nya dari sekolah. Kenangan yang agak manis ...

Kini Tokwan telah pergi ke alam barzakh. Hari Raya pula bakal tiba. Tahun lepas, alhamdulillah kami anak-beranak sempat pulang beraya di kampung seperti yang Tokwan sukakan. Tak sangka juga ... itulah kali terakhir bersama Tokwan di kampung. Raya tahun ini dan tahun2 mendatang pasti berbeza ... Tuk/nenek dah lama tiada, Tokwan pun kini tiada ... hmm ... tiada lagilah beraya di kampung ...

Keluargaku, baru saja menerima ahli baru apabila iparku mendapat cahayamata pertama mereka 3 hari lepas. InsyaAllah ... sebelum 2009 melabuhkan tirai, 2 lagi bayi bakal menyertai keluarga kami. Generasi bersilih-ganti. Yang datang pastikan pergi. Al-Fatihah buat Arwah Tokwanku ... anak-cucu-cicitmu mendoakanmu. Kami meneruskan kehidupan ini, meneruskan tanggungjawab sebagai khalifah di bumi ini ... selagi hayat dikandung badan. Beginilah dunia, beginilah kehidupan, beginilah janji Allah.

Firman Allah SWT : "Setiap yang hidup pasti akan merasai mati" (Al-Anbiya : 35)

Baby Baru, Ketagihan Baru, Impian Yang Sama

2009-07-24T13:35:00.029+08:00

Dah lama betul tak menulis. Keluarga Carwin baru sahaja menerima ahli baru - seorang bayi lelaki yang sihat (alhamdulillah) pada 4 Jun yang lalu. Segalanya kini terasa lengkap (keluarga), tetapi pastinya perjuangan di dalam kerjaya dan perniagaan masih jauh dan makin berat. Pada usia 29 dengan 5 anak dan bekerja dari rumah (sehingga baby bersedia untuk ke pejabat Carwin) ... saya gembira, saya gementar, saya bersemangat!

BABY BARU

Macam dah terlupa apa perasaannya tidur yang selesa lagi nyenyak sbb dah bertahun-tahun kehidupan hectic begini. Maklumlah, jarak antara anak2 kecil. Lepas satu baby ke satu baby :) Bertungkus-lumus di siang hari dengan pelbagai urusan kerja dan keluarga, buat programming melewati tengah malam, kemudian tidur diselang-seli dengan tangisan baby & rengekan budak. Pagi pula, mahu tak mahu, perlu bangun awal, perlu juga siapkan anak ke sekolah. Dengan rutin sebegini, makanlah banyak manapun ... badan pasti tak naik! Tetapi kegembiraan keluarga kami kini x 5!!!

KETAGIHAN BARU

Untungnya dlm bidang kerja virtual, sejurus pulang dari hospital melahirkan anak kelima (hari ke-2 berpantang) saya dah boleh kembali bekerja (periksa email/jawab pertanyaan pelanggan & sambung dengan kerja2 naiktaraf My1Stop) dalam keadaan santai sambil melayari Facebook. Dahulu, saya berFB sekali-sekala sahaja, tetapi tempoh berpantang telah memberi ruang untuk saya lebih kerap berFB - barangkali ini sahajalah aktiviti santai yang bersifat individu yg saya lakukan .. hrm ... itupun diselitkan dengan urusan promosi & networking untuk perniagaan, dan biasanya dibuat ketika server tengah down atau muatturun/naik mengambil 'berkurun' lamanya, atau terpaksa surfing dengan satu tangan - alang2 memegang baby. Tanpa FB, all work & no play makes Cwynire a dull mommy! FB memang ubat stress yang mujarab, tetapi perlu disertakan dengan disiplin diri :)

Pengasas Facebook

FB sangat menakjubkan. Maksud saya, saya melihat dari aspek idea & perniagaan. Pioneer & team FB cukup bijak & kreatif menghasilkan portal sosial yang mampu membuat pengguna internet dari remaja sehingga kepada golongan professional sekalipun, ketagihan dengan FB. Dan menariknya, ia mampu mengeluarkan sifat keanak-anakan dlm diri kita - menghantar hadiah2 virtual, bermain permainan seperti Mafia Wars, Farm Town/Ville, Restaurant City, Street Racing, dan banyak lagi. Aplikasi dan Permainan di dalam FB ini bijak menggunakan nature network FB sendiri, menjadikannya aktiviti kawan2/keluarga di alam siber yang menyeronokkan. Tidak kurang juga peluang mempromosi perniagaan, organisasi, kempen dan sebagainya. Ramai yang sedia maklum FB ini, tetapi yang ingin saya fokuskan di sini, bukannya penggunaan FB, tetapi idea dan konsepnya. Bagaimana kita ingin hasilkan sesuatu yang unik dan berguna, sehingga ke tahap ia menjadi seakan 'keperluan' orang ramai. Sampai bila kita harus terdorong membuat salinan hasil kerja orang lain? Sampai bila setiap kali ada sesuatu yang bagus terhasil, kita pantas ingin menjadi pesaing, tetapi bukan ingin tampil dengan sesuatu yang unik dan segar?

IMPIAN YANG SAMA

Selain menerima ahli keluarga baru dan peningkatan sambutan terhadap baby yg lagi satu (My1Stop), tak banyak yang berubah. Cita2 yang dipasang hubby & saya kekal sama. Cuma kini lebih seronok melihat apa yg didrafkan dulu semakin nampak hasilnya. Saya masih ingat menjelang 'kelahiran' My1Stop dulu. Hubby (the thinker) telah banyak mencorak konsep My1Stop, dan tanggungjawab menterjemahkan segala idea tersebut kepada 'fizikal' terletak di bahu ini. Betapa sakitnya badan & kepala (macam mengandung juge). My1Stop akhirnya selamat dilahirkan Januari 2006. Bayangkan cabarannya untuk mempromosi laman web yang tiada siapa tahu, tidak pula berbekalkan modal yang lumayan sebagaimana dilakukan syarikat2 gergasi.

Agak berani-mati juga cuba menghasilkan laman web seserius My1Stop yang melibatkan penggunaan shopping cart & pelbagai aplikasi yang digunapakai orang awam. Hubby pula sering tampil dengan idea2 bernasnya yang membuatkan saya pening kepala memikirkan 'oh great, now how do i do that???!'. Cabaran yang kadangkala diiringi dengan dengusan di luar, tapi senyuman di dalam ... kerana saya suka cabaran sebenarnya!

Saya telah memilih untuk membangunkan sendiri aplikasi mengikut acuan sendiri dan tidak menggunakan open source software yang ada - alhamdulillah, pilihan yang rasanya cukup baik memandangkan ia memudahkan kerja2 integrasi dengan sistem unik My1Stop dan boleh pula diolah menjadi apa sahaja yang terfikir dek kepala ni seperti mengerjakan tanah liat. Jadi My1Stop tidak terkongkong dek sistem orang lain. Namun begitu, cabarannya ialah menjadikan sistem sendiri ini mempunyai daya saing yang tinggi ... dan pelbagai perkara telah dipelajari melalui pengalaman, sebagaimana seorang bayi yang baru bertatih.

Di dalam pelan perancangan perniagaan kami, kami membayangkan My1Stop terus meletup-letup seperti goreng pisang panas (haha) ... namun realitinya, ia bergerak sangat perlahan di peringkat awalnya ... perlahan sehingga timbul resah & kecewa di dalam dada. Pada satu ketika, kami terpaksa memilih untuk mengalihkan fokus kepada perniagaan lain bagi meneruskan kehidupan. Perniagaan online kelihatannya ketika itu, indah khabar dari rupa.

Namun begitu, My1Stop terlalu unik dan istimewa di hati kami. Jadi ia tidak dilupakan begitu sahaja, sebaliknya ... kami re-strategize. Di sinilah bagi saya, keseronokan berniaga ... melihat bagaimana sesuatu strategi perniagaan itu memberikan impak yang berbeza2 - amat mengujakan! Alhamdulillah sambutan terhadap My1Stop semakin memberangsangkan. Seronok melihat sendiri email2 tempahan, transaksi demi transaksi di My1Stop dari pelbagai e-store, email2 pelanggan kepada peniaga (melalui My1Stop), dan statistik My1Stop yg menunjukkan graf semakin menaik, begitu banyak kemasukan pelanggan hasil carian di Google, Yahoo, ALEXA Rank yang pada mulanya puluhanribu juta kini 300,000 & semakin kecil nombornya. Itulah kepuasan sebenar bagi saya ... melihat hasil kerja digunapakai orang. Kompleks membeli-belah yang dahulunya sepi, kini dikunjungi orang, kedai2 disewa. My1Stop Crews juga sudah bertambah ... ( i sincerely appreciate your efforts!) Mujur tidak berputus asa dahulu :)

Apapun, pastinya kami tidak boleh cepat berpuas hati. Sambutan yang bertambah terhadap My1Stop menyemarakkan lagi semangat untuk upgrade My1Stop menjadi produk yang lebih baik, kekal unik dan sangat berguna, dan harapnya sehingga ke tahap ia amat diperlukan ... insyaAllah. My1Stop Crews ... let's make it happen!

A Message by George Carlin

2008-08-01T13:23:00.004+08:00

I know this is MY blog and it should be of my compositions, but I feel that the following message I received in my inbox is worth sharing ...

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor and author who won four Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.

Internet, Anonymous dan Etika

2008-07-31T00:20:00.014+08:00

Mr A
Kerjaya: Ahli Politik
Avatar: Joker
Nick: KainPelikat

Mrs B
Kerjaya: Pengurus Syarikat
Avatar: Orlando Bloom
Nick: gadis_jelita

Ms C
Kerjaya: Pelajar Universiti
Avatar: Garfield
Nick: mr_incredible

Tiada yang mustahil di alam siber!

Dunia internet Web 2.0 telah berganjak dan membawa gelombang besar baru di mana setiap insan boleh mempunyai kuasa cukup besar, walaupun bersembunyi di sebalik avatar dan nick. Saya pernah menyebut tentang Web 2.0, dan mungkin wajar saya ceritakan lebih lanjut mengenai konsep ini di dalam posting khas nanti. Letak tepi dulu perinciannya. Anda hanya perlu tahu bahawa menerusi konsep Web 2.0 ... setiap pelayar internet tidak lagi sekadar pemerhati, tetapi penyumbang utama kepada kandungan sesebuah laman web. Bagaimana? Melalui aplikasi laman sosial (MySpace, Facebook), ruangan forum dan group (Google Groups, Yahoo Groups), blog (Wordpress, Blogspot), dan lain-lain laman web yang menyediakan platform untuk pelawat menyumbangkan bahan seperti gambar (Flickr), video (YouTube), mp3 lagu (Project Playlist) mahupun produk (eBay, Lelong, My1Stop).

Ini gelombang masakini ... sama seperti apa yang melanda dunia SMS. Pertandingan nyanyian misalnya pasti kurang mendapat sambutan jika diadili oleh panel pakar semata-mata. Orang mahu terlibat sama! Maka kekal popularlah konsep yang digunapakai Akademi Fantasia dan yang sewaktu dengannya kerana khalayak merasakan mereka mempunyai bahagian di dalam rancangan tersebut ... memberi impak ... mempunyai kuasa. Jika dulu sekadar seorang individu yang tidak relevan (di dalam bidang tersebut), kini menjadi penting dan memberi kesan!
Paling bermakna ialah apabila siapa anda di dunia fizikal TIDAK PENTING - anda tidak mempunyai sijil yang berkaitan, anda tiada commercial value, anda berpenyakit, anda kurang skil, kurang keyakinan diri ... TAK PENTING! Kerana hanya anda tahu siapa anda sebenarnya dan khalayak internet dan SMS tidak!

Kelebihan gelombang ini ialah ... bank ilmu khalayak berkembang melampaui sempadan sijil, kroni, dan nasib. 'Bakat-bakat terpendam' lebih mudah menyerlah. Lihat sahaja bagaimana penyanyi jalanan yang berbakat menggunakan saluran YouTube untuk mengetengahkan bakat. Lihat bagaimana begitu banyak penulis berbakat di alam blog yang begitu kreatif dan kritis di dalam artikel dan komentar mereka. Anda tidak perlu lagi mengharap kepada bilangan penyanyi yang dicungkil bakat oleh komposer, atau penulis yang bukunya berjaya diterbitkan, atau professor yang dijemput memberi komentar di kaca TV ... bilangan ini kecil.

Kekurangan ...

Apabila berinteraksi di alam maya, kewujudan kita juga maya - diwakili nick & avatar. Dari sini, bergitu banyak ruang untuk kita memalsukan identiti:

Anda mungkin Britney Spears di dunia sebenar, dan menjadi ihatepop di dunia maya, membuat promosi di yahoo group mengatakan anda telah beli album baru Britney dan ia jauh lebih hebat daripada album Christina Aguilera.

Anda mungkin usahawan yang menghasilkan sos pasta jenama baru, dan menjadi peterpan5, memberi komen di dalam suatu blog bahawa sos pasta jenama terkemuka mengandungi cebisan daging babi atau keluaran Yahudi.

Anda mungkin undi dalam suatu poll sebagai HangJebat semalam, SkyWalker hari ini, dan Mrs_Pitt2 esok.

Anda bebas mengatakan apa sahaja, apa cara sekalipun (untung jika tidak dicantas Moderator) ... kerana anda boleh 'cuci tangan' selepas itu.

Kesan lain termasuk fitnah yang lebih mudah disebarkan, kritikan tidak berlapik yang mudah dihamburkan kepada mana-mana individu, tidak kiralah Professor Emiritus, Yang Berhormat, atau kerabat Raja sekalipun - mereka tidak terkecuali daripada menerima carutan!

Dan jika anda cuba tampil alim memberi peringatan kepada pencarut-pencarut ini ... mengingatkan mereka tentang batasan agama, anda pasti dikecam dan mungkin juga mendapat gelaran 'tok sheikh' atau 'pak lebai'. Mana tidaknya ... anda upset perbincangan mereka yang sedang makin hangat dengan gosip. Mereka tidak perlukan ceramah anda ketika itu. Anda potong stim!

Mengapa sesetengah artikel atau komen begitu tidak beradab?

Begini ... tentu anda biasa ketemu pemandu kereta-kereta mewah (kita sedang bicara mengenai tokeynya) yang memandu penuh biadap. Mereka ini mungkin peguam atau CEO syarikat, tapi mentaliti mengalahkan mentaliti penjual CD cetakrompak! Mengapa di pejabat mereka begitu professional dan disegani, tetapi tidak di jalan raya? Kerana di jalan raya, mereka Anonymous!

Saranan saya kepada kita semua (saya bukanlah pengguna internet paling beretika) ...

Jangan bertukar daripada Dr Jackal kepada Mr Hyde sejurus anda login dengan nick anda

Jangan merasakan anda tidak perlu bertanggungjawab terhadap bahan/coretan anda di internet kerana merasakan nick anda bukan anda

Jangan mempoyokan sesuatu yang baik dan meng'cool'kan sesuatu yang tidak baik

Jangan mengatakan saya poyo kerana menulis artikel ini kerana saya sekadar berkongsi :P